Lets say hello again

New “headshots at home” is so 2020, but I’ve been feeling a little disconnected from my old pictures since cutting my hair during quarantine and wanted an update! Maybe this is a good time to introduce myself again.
✨ My name is Kelsey Riddle and I work in a group practice, Therapy with Heart. I work with clients in therapy and provide clinical supervision to therapists. Currently I am working through Telehealth only and until the foreseeable future. Please read my other posts on my thoughts regarding that! I use an integrative approach to support my clients; collaborating with and guiding them toward their goals. I work primarily from an Attachment lens and with Systems theory.

Specifically, I use two research supported models, EFT and EMDR. For any questions about what that means, please ask. To learn more in depth about my therapy approach, please reach out for a free brief consultation to determine whether we are a good fit. On this platform, I want to do more than market myself. I want to share information that I believe we all deserve to know (without the pay-wall!). And, there are some things that therapy is the absolute best intervention to support. And I would love to share and resources, knowledge, etc to help you understand how and why therapy may be a necessary part of your journey toward your goal.
*I am not giving any specific mental health advice but rather psycho-educating the community.

Though I support clients from all walks of life, I have a special place in my heart and feel especially convicted to support those in marginalized communities, identities, and relationships. Please know if this fits you, I want to be a safe space. Through these squares I’d also like to share vulnerably about my own journey. Not as an expert, but hopefully as a person you may relate to. It always helps to feel less alone.

Even with my knowledge and experience, I am not perfect and neither is my relationship. But I DO prioritize my well being and my relationship, and consider it and myself a work in progress. Either way, I want my posts here to always have a message of love and acceptance for everyone.

Thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far! ✨

Research About Clitoral stimulation

Research shows that only around 30% of women can reliably orgasm from vaginal stimulation/ penetrative intercourse.

Did you know?! This means that around 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Further, many of these women need or prefer stimulation more powerful than a human provides, meaning that a toy like a vibrator may be helpful in bringing a woman to orgasm.

PS: This post is of course in heteronormative language, but this information shared here is also for and about *any one* with a vulva, including those of you in our non binary and trans communities. I want to acknowledge that this research is not just for ‘women’, and further, not all women have vulvas. Every body, soul, spirit, and gender identity deserves to orgasm!

PPS: for more gems of information like this, please please read Come As You are by Emily Nagoski

Thoughts on telehealth after 9 months!

Guys! This month marks 9 months since I’ve been working solely on Telehealth! I could have been secretly growing a baby behind this camera this whole time (I haven’t!). What a wild and interesting year it’s been.
While Telehealth does have its limitations and downsides, it offers a lot of plus’s too. I love how this platform has made therapy so much more accessible. Of course, the biggest reason for this is for safety and health during a pandemic. But also.. My clients who used to have trouble getting an appointment time after work, are now able to log in for an hour during their lunch break. Clients who don’t have child care due to finances/the pandemic, are able to put a movie on for their kids and sit and talk to me from the other room. I also agree with @lorigottlieb_author’s recent blog about the surprising intimacy of Telehealth. The medium of Telehealth seems to create a safety for some of my clients to go deeper than they even did in person.
I also love the ability to peak into my clients real lives and see how they live, it helps bring what they say to session to life. For me, seeing my clients in their own space, in their real lives, makes this work feel that much more important. Telehealth offers a very cool and unique diagnostic tool when working with my clients, especially couples. For some, their lives at home are chaos right now and that shows through our sessions as they attempt to lock themselves in closets to have some privacy or quiet. Or, it shows the stark silence that my clients experience during this time of exceeding isolation. Either way, for me, this medium really highlights the home life dynamics and variables that my clients are living in. (If you’re my client and reading this, you may be surprised to know I’m thinking about it that much!)

Today I’m reflecting on this year and also what’s to come. I’m hoping for the best, but not hopeful about Covid numbers through the holidays. I’m so grateful to be in a time where Telehealth is possible. Have you been pleasantly surprised about the effectiveness of Telehealth? What’s your favorite part? Least favorite?

Tips for a Great Marriage (on my Anniversary!) Part 1

In celebration of my wedding anniversary, I wanted to share my thoughts about some of the things that contribute to a great marriage. I will list my 10 pieces of advice as I sit here reflecting on the things I’ve learned in my own marriage. For each of these items, there is an underlying theme: to have a great marriage, you have to have it as a priority to make one. If you have this one key ingredient, and a partner who has it too, you are in good hands. However I thought I’d add some more specifics! 

These are things that I myself have not perfected and am frequently reminding myself of. I share this because, even as a marriage therapist, I want to emphasize that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. I do not have one, and I am not a perfect wife. But you can have a *great* marriage. A great marriage consists of many strengths, but also continually works on its flaws. Here are some my tips on how to do this!

1. Make occasions! Celebrate milestones and create reasons to have fun or connect. 

2. Let go of any message you ever heard that things are supposed to come easy or naturally. A great marriage (and great communication, sex, etc) is a process of learning, growing, adapting, being intentional, planning. Nothing should be taken for granted to exist if it’s not nurtured. 

3. Talk about things that hurt or bother you as soon as you can, instead of bottling them up or exploding. *And make sure your partner feels safe and encouraged to share these feelings. Create space for these conversations intentionally and do your best to not emotionally punish your partner for sharing. 

4. Believe that you BOTH have a part and contribute to anything coming up. Dealing with it as a team, and being open to hearing about your side, will get you much further than blame. 

5. Have a forgiving heart. Some hurts need to be addressed, but some also need to be treated with grace. In these early years of marriage, it is such a process of figuring things out. When possible, give your partner the benefit of the doubt that they will do better. 

6. Learn the ways that your partner shows you love and learn to appreciate those. *Also teach them what is meaningful to you, and reciprocate 

7. Make it an assumption that if you see your partner is angry or upset, there is hurt or fear underlying it. Be curious and kind, ignore the reactivity, and get to the underlying issue. 

8. Learn the ways your partner takes care of themselves and support that as much as you can. Celebrate and support the time they take with friends, family, or just for themselves. 

9. Recognize your own faults or weaknesses in the relationship and make it an intention to work on those. A great marriage is made up of two individuals who consider themselves a work in progress. 

10. Be playful as much as you can!!

Going Online Only

It has been difficult to weigh everything, but yesterday I decided to move to online only sessions for the foreseeable future. My sweet husband helped me move my desk and chair home last night.

I am hoping at this point that this will be for the next several weeks, but there is a lot unknown for right now. What I do know for sure is that we are all in the together, and eventually the dust will settle.

We are using a video streaming service through Simple Practice (our current practice management system) that is HIPAA compliant, and I will be sending you a link prior to the session that you can use easily without downloading software if you are on your computer. If you use it from a phone you’ll need to download the simple practice Telehealth app. I can do phone sessions but I would must prefer video when possible.

My hope is that we can give this a try, and reassess if needed. I am working very hard to try to provide the best therapy through Telehealth that I can and make sure that my clients can continue our progress with our work.

My priority is to do my part to take care of the community. After educating myself and speaking with several health care professionals, I now see it’s imperative that we all stay home as much as possible.

I absolutely want to be here to walk through this stress and trying times with you.

PS I am doing my best to stay positive through all this. There is so much to worry about. But can I say that I am looking forward to sharing a space with my sweet dog?

Take care xx