Sex

Sex as discussed here is an umbrella that includes physical affection and intimacy, eroticism, and the inherent connection throughout everything in-between. Here are some resources and thoughts on how to improve your relationship to sex, whether alone or within your relationship.

I promote sex positivity. I embrace all individuals claiming their sexuality for themselves, and sharing it safely with their partner, or partners.

Lubricaton

People with vulvas are 80% more likely to orgasm under any circumstance if they are using lube. Lubrication has been so stigmatized by culture as something that you only need when aging or when your’e not in emotional desire. The body is not always on the same page as the mind or heart. You can work with it, and treat it kindly. Use lubrication and increase pleasure.

Books

Couple Focused:

• Discovering Your Couple Sexual Style by Emily and Barry McCarthy: Sharing Desire, Pleasure, and Satisfaction

• Enduring Desire by Michael E. Metz and Barry W. McCarthy: Your Guide to Lifelong Intimacy

• The Return of Desire by Gina Ogden: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion

• Transforming Sexual Narratives by Suzanne Iasenza: A Relational Approach to Sex Therapy

• Sexual Awareness by Barry McCarthy: Your Guide to Healthy Couple Sexuality

Vulva primarily focused:

• Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life 

• Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure

• When Sex Hurts by Goldstein: A Woman's Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain

Penis primarily focused:

• Coping with Premature Ejaculation by Barry McCarthy, Ph. D.

• Coping with Erectile Disfunction by Barry McCarthy, Ph. D.

Sex toys can be a wonderful medium for exploring your body, experiencing pleasure, and connecting with a partner’s body. For cis women, and people with vulvas, stimulation can be helpful in bringing them to climax and experiencing more pleasure. Toys can add variety to your shared experience, and bring pleasure to genital parts on all bodies. I always encourage clients to explore and play on their own, then to share what they discover with their partner. You can better teach your partner how to pleasure you meaningfully if you understand yourself.

Toys have been stigmatized in society and unfortunately seen as threats to connection in relationships. I’m here to share the good news that this does not have to be the case. For 70% of cis women*/ bodies with vulvas, penetrative intercourse (penis-in-vagina ‘sex’) is not a reliable way to reach orgasm. These people need clitoral stimulation of some form (manual/hands, oral/tongue, toy). To read more about this please check out Dr. Emily Nagoski’s work in Come As You Are.

There are many resources for finding sex toys. Unfortunately, in some states you are able able to have them shipped to your house. If you are able to, websites like amazon.com, and companies like dameproducts.com all have sex toys available at different price points. You may also be able to find in person retailers in your area by searching on google.

Some types of toys you may explore:

• Clitoral stimulation: Traditional vibrator, Suction toy, and other various methods

• Vaginal stimulation: ‘Dildo’ or vibrator, and other various methods

• Anal stimulation using various methods

• Kink and bondage toys

• Penis stimulation: See this list put together by Emily Morse for Toys for Penis Owners. Penis rings, sleeves, vibrating toys, etc.