Men Need to be Courted, Too

When you look up the word “courting”, the definition is: to pay special attention to (someone) in an attempt to win their support or favor. This makes sense to us when we think about the beginning of a relationship. We all do this… early on.

But couples should continuously do this in their relationship. The special attention, the effort, and the thoughtfulness should never stop in a loving relationship. I’ve noticed something lately though: there is that there’s a lot of socialization about women needing this, and not as much about men.

We hear that women want flowers, they want to be taken to a nice dinner and then the movies, etc. etc. Now, of course those things don’t fit for all women. I asked my fiancé to only get me house plants instead of flowers because to me they’re prettier and last longer – but that’s my personal preference. My fiancé also knows that when he is trying to show me he loves me, he can write me a note or even just make up the bed (Hey Sidney, I hope you’re seeing this!).

Women aren’t the only people who want this though. In fact, not only does everyone want it – everyone needs it!

I originally started this post wanting to promote partners taking men on dates (this does not just apply to heterosexual relationships). But when I started I realized that the need is so much bigger than that. Lately I have heard so many men in my office saying how they feel taken for granted, unappreciated, and like the hard work they do for their families is something just expected. No one should feel this way! We need to continuously remind the men in our lives how much we love them: we need to court them. Men need someone to do special and sweet things just for them, too, not just women. What men want may be different, but I think those things are different for everyone no matter the gender. If you know your partner well enough, you can court him in a way that he will love.

I’m going to give you some ideas, but remember that the real effort is you doing something that you know your guy will love.

1. Cook a steak dinner at home and do the grilling for him
2. Pick him up and take him somewhere nice to watch the sunrise
3. Get him tickets for you both to see that team he’s been dying to see
4. Get his car cleaned, oil changed, etc. for him.. men seem to really love their cars
5. Leave him a sweet note somewhere he will find it at work
6. Set aside time to help with that project he’s been working on for months
7. Do his house chores for him when you know he’s had a long day
8. Surprise him at work with his favorite take-out
9. Send delivery food home when you’re out of town to show you’re thinking of him (my grandmother told me when I was 8 years old that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and I whole heartedly believe her!).
10. Pick up some new under clothes that you know will thrill him

These are just ideas, but the message is clear: men need to feel important, loved and pursued just as much as women do. Just because they may not ask for it, doesn’t mean that it’s not something that they would love and appreciate so much from the person they love most in the world. We all wanted to be reminded how much out partner cares about us, and that doesn’t stop after we move past dating to engagement or marriage. In fact, it’s more important as we get more comfortable with each other.

Thanks for reading and keep connected,

Kelsey

Surviving Moving In Together

Moving in with your partner will change the relationship. And if you both love each other, and work hard, it will change it for the better.

BEFORE OR AFTER MARRIAGE?

Plenty of research has given its opinion about whether cohabitating is good or bad for a relationship. Some research has even suggested that living together before marriage predicts breaking up. Others say it is essential to live with your partner before deciding to spend your lives together. A study published by The Journal of Family Psychology reported that 70% of couples do live together before marriage.

Whether you have just gotten married, or you two are simply making that next step together, the same challenges apply. I personally live with my fiancé and it has been the best. But it has certainly been a transition, and continues to be. Luckily we have made it fun, but there are a few things that I keep in mind that help me during times that are more tough.

KNOWING IT’S THE RIGHT TIME

When it comes down to it, the most important factor of surviving the move-in is whether or not it’s the right time to do it in the first place. I think it really comes down to the intentions of why you’re doing it. If it’s out of convenience or necessity, for example, that one of your leases is up, or that it would be less expensive to pay rent for one place, it may not be the right time. But if the decision is coming more from a place that it feels like the natural next step, and you’re both really excited about it and the commitment that it symbolizes, then you’re probably in a good place.

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN

One danger of moving in together is that if it isn’t the right person and relationship, moving in makes it very difficult to end the relationship. No one should settle for less than they deserve, and having two names on a lease or dependent on the other person’s income for rent really can put you in a position where you’re stuck. There is truly nothing more lonely than being unhappy in a relationship.

HOW TO SURVIVE

1. It is difficult to have someone in what was always, until now, your space. Sure, they spent plenty of time there and maybe you’ve practically lived together until now. But it is different when my tv is now our And when our carpet needs to be vacuumed because of something you did and I just did it yesterday. But what I say to myself and I hope all couples remember during these times is this: If your partner isn’t invading your space and changing what you’d usually do, then you don’t truly have a life together. Truly, you want them to leave their mark. That’s how you know they’re a bigger part of your life. And if you can keep this perspective, you may not mind so much when they do things differently than what you would do. Because now, it’s not what you’d do, it’s about how to do it together.
2. Another big tip is to have something else in your lives that you both enjoy and brings meaning for you. When you move in, the time you spend together increases and that can add pressure for the relationship to be all-fulfilling, when in reality, we need many fulfilling aspects of our lives to be happy. If your relationship is the only meaningful thing you have, then when you and your partner are having a tough day or argument, it will feel like your whole life is tough. So it’s so important that you both keep the keystones of yourselves strong and maintain them as well.
3. My last big tip for couples moving in together is to have rituals that maintain the relationship. This can be a weekly date night, a game night on the couch, working on projects together, or what may work for you. It’s important to make quality time together intentional and a routine thing. Living together doesn’t have to mean the beginning of mundane, it can actually be a continual adventure together and if you work for it, something that makes your relationship so much better.

Keep Connected,

Kelsey