In my free time I try to combine being active and spending time with my dog. Now that I’m working full time, this is especially important. The best part of hanging with my dog is the companionship and constant joy I feel when I’m around him (if you’re a dog lover, you know what I am talking about. I’ve noticed lately that I have progressively been learning more and more from my dog.
A few weeks ago, before moving to Arizona, I took my dog to my favorite hiking spot near my home town. It’s about an hour’s drive, so I have to really be dedicated to being there in order to make the trip. One Saturday I found the time and loaded up Roy, and set off. We unloaded, headed up the first big ascent, and when we finally reached the top – it began to thunderstorm. I was so disappointed; I’d been looking forward to this trip. When we started heading back toward the car, I noticed that Roy was not at all disappointed. He was chipper as he always is, and loaded back up without a complaint. Now, I know that he’s a dog, and he’s arguably low on the intellectual ability scale, but it really got me thinking about what it means to not be disappointed and why.
I originally boiled it down to the fact that he has no expectations. And in thinking that, I shrugged the thought away because it’s just not possible for me to not have any expectations at all, especially because I’m a passionate and excitable person. But then I realized: it’s not that he doesn’t have expectations. He does. He expects attention, affection, and having his basic needs met. The real message is that my dog has an unconditional love for me, and we are truly connected. As long as I meet those basic expectations that he has, he’s happy.
This is a message that is so true in terms of the couples that I see in my office. When you build a life with someone, you have many expectations. And though you become more and more a unit, you still have some expectations that may be independent of your partners. But if you’re able to keep connection, you will never feel disappointed. The message is this: give each other attention, give each other affection, meet each other’s basic needs for love and compassion and you will never be disappointed.